Mirror Matters

As promised, here are a few tips for overcoming the daily battle with the mirror (aka the struggle with self-esteem and self-worth).

1: Recognize your body for what it really is. 1 Corinthians 3:16 says, "Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?" Question: when you think of temples, do you think of ugly, nasty, worn down, disgusting ruin, or do you think of beautiful, elaborate, magnificent structures? My guess is that you think of the latter. The beauty of our bodies isn't equated with how much fat we have or what shape it comes in. The beauty of our temple is that God's work is done with it. You can have the most beautiful, model-esque body in the entire universe and still be ugly in the sight of God. Or, you can have a plain-Jane, not shapely at all body that does beautiful things for His Kingdom. True, incorruptible beauty comes from the inside, and when we realize that we will stop being so hard on ourselves when the outer doesn't cooperate.

2: Recognize your body for whose it really is. 1 Corinthians 6:19 says, "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?" Guess what? That body that you're constantly critiquing and picking apart--it's not even yours. Your vessel is just that, a vessel. A tool. An instrument for God's using. A few weeks ago, Robert and I had to go to Home Depot to buy a drill for our new home. Really, Robert had to go and pick out a drill, and I just went with him. After perusing all the aisles, Robert decided on a drill that had great performance reviews, would do what he needed it to, and fit within the budget. He didn't choose the drill that looked the cutest or had the most bells and whistles. There's a reason Home Depot doesn't sell drills with exquisite paintings on the side. It doesn't matter what it looks like so long as it does what it's supposed to do. The same matters for you and for me. God is not concerned with a dress size; He is concerned with us doing His will. And when I start focusing more on what my outward, pointless appearance looks like and am focusing less on doing God's will, I'm not being a useful tool for God. When I get caught up in what my body looks like and how much my body weighs, I need to realize that it isn't my body at all. Instead, I should be looking for ways to use the body that God gave me to do His work.

3: Recognize what's most important. 1 Timothy 4:8a says, "For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things." There is obviously benefit to exercising and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, but we must recognize that outward maintenance is not as important as inward maintenance. When we get caught up in the physical and "merely outward", we aren't keeping our first priority on the Kingdom of God--and we know that only when God is our first priority are all things added to us (Matt. 6:33). Keeping your temple (of God and not to self) healthy is important, but when it becomes the primary focus of our lives and the dominant thought of our minds, we need to shift gears. Let me illustrate: for a couple of months, I was super caught up in this couch to 5K craze that everyone seems to be involved in. Mind you, I was trying to keep those self-destructive thoughts at bay in a seemingly productive way. The only problem was that I was finding time to run and exercise and log my calories, and not time to study and pray and visit like I needed to. Is there anything wrong with running? I say yes, but only because I hate it. Really, there is no problem at all. Is there anything wrong with watching what you eat? Of course not. It's probably something we all need to do more often. But, is there a problem with overemphasizing the outward and the temporal, and neglecting the spiritual? Absolutely. Paul told Timothy that godliness is always profitable. Exercise, ehh. Godliness, yes. When you find yourself down on your looks or weight or physical condition, dive head first into the Word of God. Consume yourself with study and prayer. Strive to attain godliness, not a perfect figure.

Tough Stuff Tuesday: Temple of God or Temple to Self?

Recently, one of my dear friends (and a young woman that I look up to in many things) wrote a blog post on how we as women deal with body image issues. She had posted about this on Facebook, too, and one of her friends published the following comment:

"A tricky balance exists between caring for our bodies as a temple to God and becoming obsessed with perfecting our bodies as a temple to ourselves."

That quote has been resonating within me from the moment that I read first it until now. Slowly, it has been churning inside of me and causing my heart to change. You see, for a long time now (at least 10 years) I've had a problem with body image. My self-confidence has always been low, and directly related to how I felt about my weight. During high school, I was pretty thin. Still, I would diet or exercise a crazy amount or skip meals because I didn't think I was thin enough. My 5'4'' frame never held weight well, and with every five pound fluctuation, I was in mental anguish and distress. I was very, very hard on myself. Sadly, those tendencies didn't stop when I was in high school. If I'm being honest with you, these feelings are still very real in my day to day life. I struggle with being enough. At least, I had been struggling with that a lot until Polishing the Pulpit a couple of weeks ago.

At PTP, my days were consumed with lectures and study sessions geared toward making my relationship with God stronger. I spent hours every day digging deep into God's beautiful Word. At the end of the seven day stint, I was happier and stronger and excited to come home. And then, a day or two after I had been home, I had a realization: I hadn't once thought about how fat I felt or awful I looked in over a week. That had to have been a first in the entire ten years I'd been struggling with this. 
So what was the magic answer? What helped me see the light and know that I can conquer this internal, self-loathing battle? Answer: God's Word.

I spent an entire week studying God's Word and doing nothing else. Now sure, I was working (recording and editing the lessons), but really I was listening and making notes and learning about my awesome Father. I was being challenged to think and act differently. And, in the process of all of that study, I stopped focusing on ME and started focusing on God.

If you're a lady, you've read and heard numerous lessons on the following scriptures:

"Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." 1 Pet. 3:3-4

I've heard quite a few lessons on those verses, too. I've heard a lot of things about "incorruptible beauty" and "gentle, quiet spirits". I've even heard lessons on not wearing flashy things and trying to make people notice you. But when I read these verses recently, something new stuck out to me. You see, Peter says (in a completely paraphrased way) don't put so much emphasis on the outside. Now, your struggle may be to arrange your hair all fancy or wear things that show off your wealth as the example shows. That's not mine, though. No, my struggle is simply with focusing too much on the "merely outward". I can become completely consumed with that which is merely outward, so much so that I have a bad attitude or I don't want to be around certain people or I don't even feel desirable to my husband. Why? Because I haven't been listening to Peter. All these years of reading this verse and I've completely missed what he's saying. Stop focusing on that which is merely outward. Instead, look at your heart. Your heart is what makes you beautiful and precious in the sight of God. What is merely outward does not amount to a hill of beans in God's sight. Don't you remember what God said to Samuel in 1 Samuel 16:7?

"For the Lord does not see as man sees; for a man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

When we focus on that which is merely outward (how big or small we are or should be or once were), we are looking at ourselves through the eyes of the WORLD and we have to stop. And while we're at it, we have to stop judging other ladies through the eyes of the world. Christians are not supposed to be conformed to/look like the world; we are supposed to act like Christ (cf. Rom 12:1-2, Gal. 2:20). So let's stop judging ourselves and others by the world's standards, and let's start measuring ourselves by God's Word.

Tomorrow I will be giving tips on how to have a better attitude toward the girl in the mirror. Until then, my prayer is that we will all be a little easier on these physical tents we live in--because tents aren't supposed to be so beautiful that we're completely attached to them and never want to go to our homes. Tents are disposable, messy, unreliable, and uncomfortable, and God designed our physical bodies that way for a reason. I, for one, am looking forward to my glorious body (1 Cor.15:42-44), the one I'll get IF I stop focusing (aka wasting my time) on that which is merely outward.

Dress to Impress

No doubt you've heard the phrase 'dress to impress'. Generally, the term is in reference to the opposite sex, a future employer, or some other person wherein it would be to your benefit to impress them based on looks. My post today is hardly like that at all; instead, I want to seek ways that we can dress to impress God.

I've already written a post about immodest clothing, and if you haven't read it, you can check it out here. Instead of focusing on the negative too-this and too-that, I want to talk about what we CAN put on to be pleasing to God as His children.

First things first, let's notice what Galatians 3:27 says:

"For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ."

When we became Christians/children of God, we put on something from the very start: Christ. Sometimes, though, we tend to cover up Christ and put back on a few things that we supposedly put off. Colossians 3:8-9 tell us what some of those things are.

"But now you yourselves are to put off all these things: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds."

In order to be impressive to God, we cannot be clothed with (dressed in) anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy and filthy language! If we have any of these things still on, we may be impressing the world, but we aren't being pleasing to God.

I hate negative posts, though. I hate being told what I'm not supposed to do, and then just leaving it at that. When we are seeking to be pleasing to God, I don't think we can simply eliminate the bad things from our hearts; instead, we must replace those negative, worldly things with good, Godly things. So let's see what we should put on that will impress God:

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which you were also called in one body; and be thankful." - Colossians 3:12-15

Paul tells us that there are numerous things that we can put on in order to be pleasing to God:

• tender mercies - Really, this phrase is talking about the "bowels of compassion" or simply, compassionate feelings. To be pleasing to God, we are going to be people of compassion. The World English Dictionary defines this term as "a feeling of distress and pity for the suffering or misfortune of another, often including the desire to alleviate it." If we have truly put on Christ and are 'dressing to impress' God, we are going to see the sufferings of those around us and do our best to alleviate their burdens.  I find it interesting that the list starts here, because if we can manage to put on this attribute, the others should fall in line.

• kindness - We should all know what this means, but let me use another verse to show us a little more clearly: "But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior." Titus 3:4-6. We can see from those verses that God's kindness was demonstrated to us by sending Jesus and the Holy Spirit. What an awesome example of kindness! Since we have received such a kindness from God, we should also demonstrate that kindness toward others. 

• humility - Peter tells us that we should be 'clothed with humility'  because 'God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble' (1 Pet. 5:5). In no way and at no time do I want God to resist me. However, if I have chosen to live a life that is prideful--perhaps not confessing my sins to others, perhaps thinking I'm better than others because my struggles are not the same as theirs (ie: homosexuals)--God will resist me. We must be people of humility if we want to receive grace from God. 

• meekness - Galatians 6:1 tells us that if one of our brothers or sisters are overtaken in a trespass, we are to restore them in a spirit of meekness/gentleness lest we also be tempted. What an amazing characteristic to put on! When we are meekly and gently correcting and exhorting our brothers and sisters toward righteousness, are we not being extremely pleasing to God? When we are hatefully condemning and trying to 'scare people into heaven', I don't think we are. In order to be like Christ, and in order to be impressive to God, we must be people who are meek. After all, those are the people who will inherit the earth (Matt 5:5).

• long-suffering - This is a tough one for me. Patience is a learned virtue, and it is one I am still working hard on perfecting. I love the order where this falls in the list, though: "Long-suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another." It seems the people that require the most patience are either the ones who 1: are so incredibly hard to 'bear with' (ie: put up with) or 2: are the ones who have wronged me and require the most forgiveness. In order to be like Christ, though, and in order to be pleasing to God, we must extend patience to all. After all, God is so long-suffering with me and my continually sinful walk. How can I expect Him to be long-suffering with me if I will not extend the same amount to others?

• forgiveness - Jesus tells the story of the wicked servant in Matthew 18. After the story, He wraps up by saying, "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses." (v.35). Jesus is the standard when it comes to forgiveness (and everything else). The first words He uttered on the cross were "Father, forgive them". Even in the midst of the worst pain and agony, Jesus had a forgiving heart. The scary thing is: if we don't have that kind of heart, God won't extend His forgiveness to us. So, in order for us to look like Christ and impress God, we must be people who always forgive. And not only when it's easy and convenient. There was nothing easy and convenient about dying on a cross. There was nothing easy and convenient about leaving heaven and coming to earth to be tortured. Surely, then, we can forgive others when they call us names or steal our boyfriends or break our hearts or hurt our families. 

• love - As if the list hasn't been inclusive enough, Paul concludes by telling us to put on love, which we know incapsulates all of the characteristics mentioned (1 Cor. 13:4-8).  However, love appears to be the most important thing. While Jesus showed extreme forgiveness and compassion and long-suffering toward us, love is what brought Him from heaven in the first place. Nails aren't what held Jesus to the cross; no, it was His love for us. If we want to be true Christians and to really 'put on Christ', we must put on that deep, abiding love. 

So if those are the things we're supposed to put on, does it really leave any room for questions? Will I wonder, "hmm, this dress comes a few inches above my knee but, ehh, it's ok." or  "well, this show has a lot of fornication and homosexuality on it, but it's really funny and they don't cuss a lot so I'm sure it's fine." No. We will be seeking out clothes and entertainment and friends and spouses who help us wear Christ well. We won't be involved in the things that cover Him up and put Him to shame. 

Tough Stuff Tuesday: Self Worth

Recently, I received a message on my tumblr account from a girl who said she needed some help. I went to her blog and found a post that itemized the struggles in her life. One major theme was self-worth. As I read her words, I felt like she was inside my own head. I nodded along with her as she described her home life, the emphasis she placed on friends, activities, and boyfriends. I saw in her words a glimpse of the person I used to be. I ached for the person writing those words.

That is why I think I need to address the issue of self-worth. It seems to be such a problem in today's society. Maybe it's the media telling girls that they aren't enough: thin enough, pretty enough, athletic enough, girly enough, stylish enough. Maybe it's parents telling their daughters they aren't smart enough or attractive enough--or place too much emphasis on physical beauty rather than spiritual beauty. Whatever or whoever it is, girls are getting the message that they aren't enough.

I was one of the girls that bought into it.

For me, I always had a hard time finding the balance between arrogance and self-worth. I wanted to steer clear of arrogance and pride (because I knew those things were sinful), so I went to the other extreme: I didn't think I was worthy of anything. I didn't deserve to have many friends. I didn't deserve to date someone who treated me well. After all, I was lucky they even wanted to be with me in the first place. If I thought that I deserved better than the way they treated me, wasn't that being arrogant? Wasn't that me thinking I was better than they were? I didn't want to be that way. So, I let myself get kicked to the ground time and time again.

My sophomore year in college changed a lot of things. At the beginning of the year, I was dating a boy who told me that other people didn't think I deserved to be with him--and that he mostly agreed. At the time, I didn't realize that I was groveling and begging him to stay with me. I didn't realize that I was clinging to him to define my own worth. I didn't realize I was letting a boy define me at all. But I was.

When we broke up, I was fortunate enough to have a group of amazing friends to lean on for support. One friend, who is now my amazing husband, spent a considerable amount of time consoling me and telling me that I deserved better. I just shook my head. He'd tell me again. I would tell him he was crazy. This little dance went on for months. It was so hard for me to accept that I was worthy of more.

For those of you who may be struggling to find some self-worth, let me tell you some of the things that my best friend told me. Without him, and without his wisdom and strength, I would probably be married to someone who talked down to me and treated me like he was better than I was. Fortunately, I listened to what my best friend had to say, and now I'm married to a man who loves God more than he loves me, and therefore treats me with love and respect.

1: You were created with worth (Jeremiah 1:5). Before we were formed, we were sanctified--set apart for a specific purpose. As Christians, God has set us apart from the world. Before we were even thought of, God had a plan to save us (and all sinners). You may not think you have worth, but even in the womb God knew you. The fact that the Creator of the universe knew you before you existed and STILL knows you makes you a big deal.

2: God loves you, individually (John 3:16). "God so loved the world"--do you think that's the planet earth? No, it's the people. God loves you, so much, that He sent Jesus to die for you, so that if you believe in Him, you can have everlasting life. When you don't think you're worth it, remind yourself that God Himself left heaven and became a man to die a cruel death for your sins. If Jesus thought you were worth the sacrifice, you are. End of story.

3: Living righteously makes us worthy (Colossians 1:10, Phil. 1:27, Eph. 4:1) When we are fruitful in good works and study and increase in knowledge of God, we are walking worthy of our Lord. The world may not see you as pretty or smart or great or amazing, but when you live a righteous, holy life, you are living a worthy life. Wouldn't you rather be deemed worthy by God than be deemed worthy by this sinful world's standards? When you live the Christian life faithfully, God calls you worthy. Accept it. Meditate on it. Believe it.

4: God doesn't see you as unworthy (Luke 15). We are all sinners. Even at our best, we do not deserve the sacrifice of Jesus. When we wander away from God, we realize this. We may say to God, as the prodigal did in Luke 15, "I am no longer worthy to be called your son". It doesn't matter. God restores us to sonship and gives us a crown and a robe and every blessing. Even though you aren't perfect and will never be perfect, God forgives your imperfections and accepts you into His family. What an honor and privilege to be in the family of God!

5: You may not be worthy, but He is (Revelation 4:11) None of us are worthy. That is why God is to be praised above all. While we were still ugly sinners, God gave us Jesus. Jesus' blood washes our unworthiness away. Coming into contact with Jesus changes every single thing about us. Contact with Jesus made the lame to walk, the blind to see, the dead to rise. Can it not make the unworthy, worthy?

2 Corinthians 6:18 says, "I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the LORD Almighty."

You are a daughter of the king. You can't tell me that doesn't scream worthy to you.

(wordless Wednesday)

http://comefillyourcup.com/2012/04/18/self-esteem-destroyed/