A Relationship Gauge

Do you want to have a relationship with God? More than that, do you want to have a close, meaningful relationship with God? If you do, there are some things you need to do. You see, like any relationship, a good one doesn't just happen. A lot of people say 'relationships take work', but that isn't true. A crummy, no good relationship doesn't take a lot of a work. A relationship that is one-sided doesn't take a lot of work on one person's side of the coin. But a good relationship, ah yes. Good relationships take work. And so, to have a good relationship with God (and not just a One-sided one), you must work at it. Fortunately for all of us, Scripture tells us exactly what we need to do in order to dwell with God on His holy hill.

"LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? He who walks uprightly, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart; he who does not backbite with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor does he take up a reproach against his friend; in whose eyes a vile person is despised, but he honors those who fear the LORD; he who swears to his own hurt and does not change, he who does not put out his money at usury, nor does he take a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things shall never be moved." Psalm 15

First, we should note that this psalm is describing someone who is already in the relationship with God, and so in New Testament speak we mean that this person has been baptized and is enjoying a covenant relationship with God. But like all relationships, things can fall apart. This list provides a checklist of sorts, things to make sure we do (or don't do) to keep ourselves close to God.

Now, what do all of these things mean? Let's quickly look at just a few.

"He who walks uprightly" - Hold on, it's about to get technical in here. The word literally means "complete, perfect, full" or "without blemish". This is a person who doesn't walk in sin, but instead walks in a way that is perfect, blameless. In 1 John 1:7, we see that Jesus' blood will cleanse us if we walk in the light, thus making us perfect and blameless before God. If we will confess the sins we do commit (v. 9), we will be forgiven. Thus, to walk uprightly means to stay away from sin, but when we do sin, we confess that sin to our heavenly Father, who craves that intimacy with us and is faithful to forgive us to ensure that our relationship stays close.

"He speaks the truth in his heart" - Basically, this means you are who you say you are. You don't live a hypocritical life, or put on some sort of front. We know that God sees our hearts (since He formed our innermost parts!), and He can see if we mean the things that we say and do. He knows if our faith is genuine. He knows if we went to worship Him because we love Him, or if we simply went because people would look down on us if we didn't. If your heart doesn't reveal that truth that you proclaim, your relationship with God isn't real.

"He does not backbite with his tongue" - Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." If the words that we speak aren't kind, our heart isn't loving. If our heart isn't loving, how much contact have we had with the God of love? You see, God is love, and when we approach His throne in prayer, we ought the leave the throne room changed. Our hearts ought to be more loving, more forgiving, gentler and kinder. Because of the love and mercy God above has extended to our lowly existence, we should graciously love and forgive those around us. But if we backbite and tear down and destroy, we aren't behaving like God, nor are we behaving like we are in a relationship with Him.

"In whose eyes a vile person is despised, but he honors those who fear the LORD" - Question: what do your friends say about you? Are your best friends Christians? Are your role models Christians?  Are the people you talk about the most Christians? You see, if we live our lives praising and admiring those who are evil and wicked, are we living a life that is in a close relationship with the perfect and sinless God of heaven? 2 John 10-11 tell us that we are not to greet those who abide in false teachings and trespasses, because if we support them, we are sharing in their evil deeds. What do the people in our lives say about us? That we honor and uphold truth, or that we condone wickedness? If you want to be close to God, you must resist anything and everything and everyone that has the Devil's fingerprints all over it.

While we could talk about every single phrase within this psalm, we won't for time's sake. Instead, let's focus one final thought on the last line of the psalm:

"he who does these things shall never be moved". You see, when my relationship with God starts to slip, starts to suffer, guess whose fault it is? Well it isn't God's. God never moves. He is always watching for and anticipating our return, just like the father in the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15). He is always there, ready to receive us when we draw near to Him (James 4:8). That means that when our relationship starts to drift, it is my fault. I am the one who moves. And yet, if I will do all of the things that Psalm 15 mentions--if I will keep myself from sin, and walk uprightly in the light of Christ--I will not be moved. I will not wander away from God. Because as long as I am trying my best, God will keep me there, in the hollow of His hand.

How blessed we are to have a Father who is so merciful and forgiving and welcoming. How blessed we are to have a Father who is always ready to keep our relationship alive, even when we abandon Him for days, weeks, and years.

If your relationship with God is suffering, move back to Him. Draw near to Him again. Do your best to implement Psalm 15 in your life. Keep yourself from backbiting, from hypocrisy, and from hurting others. Keep yourself on the righteous path, confessing your shortcomings to the forgiving Father. Whatever sin stands in your way (and it is always sin that separates us), remove it. Cling to God again; He will not resist. He never resists.

Thanks be to God that He loves us enough to welcome us back into the fold every single time.

Gossip: Part Two

If you haven't read yesterday's post, I hope that you'll do so before continuing with this post, as it serves as a background for the things we'll be looking at today.

This topic has been tough for me, and has stepped on every single one of my toes already. Today's post is proving to be no different. So, let's all put on our steel-toed boots (or flip flops, since we could all use for our toes to be stepped on every now and then) and get to studying!

We left off in Proverbs, so that's exactly where we'll start back. Let's start with Proverbs 15:2:

"The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness." 

Gossip is using knowledge in a foolish way. Just because you know something about someone doesn't give you the right to share it with others. Now, I have heard quite a few people weigh in on gossip and say that anytime you say anything about another person, it is gossip. I can't say that I agree with that. I think that a lot of the problem with gossip goes back to intent. Now don't get me wrong: you CAN be sinning and you CAN be gossiping while you're talking about someone in a "good" way--sharing information you were meant to keep private, etc. Generally speaking, though, our speech turns into gossip (aka sin) when the intent is bad. Let me try to explain that using an illustration:

If I am deeply concerned for an individual's soul, and they are doing things that are hurting the church or hurting themselves or hurting others (or all of the above!), I don't believe I am gossiping if I tell my husband (preacher) about it and/or the elders (overseers) about it. If I took that same information to the person sitting next to me on the pew and said, "Did you hear they're doing this??"--Gossip. But if I am looking for a way to help an individual's soul, I don't feel it's gossiping, so much as I am taking it to the people who can help--and limiting it to that. If we EVER start sharing information that isn't ours to share to simply fill empty air or awkward silences, it seems to be gossip. If we find ourselves sharing information to puff ourselves up or make ourselves feel better about the planks sticking out of our own eyes, it is most definitely gossip--and a heart problem.

If you are having a tough time distinguishing whether or not you're gossiping, a simple way to gauge your speech would be to use the Proverbs 12:18 rule:

"There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health."

Is your speech going to cut someone down (pierce like a sword) or make the hearer AND person you're talking about better (promote health). Those we talk to and about should be made better by the words we use. If they aren't, we probably shouldn't be saying it.

Think about what Proverbs 25:23 has to say:

"The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue an angry countenance."

If the way we use our tongues is going to cause our brother to be angry and stumble, why would we ever say it? We are not to do or say things that we cause our brothers and sisters in Christ to stumble, so don't use your words to make them angry and lead them into temptation.

Provers 21:23 says this:

"Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles."

This is probably something we all want: to be kept from trouble. Paul said that we are to do all that we can to be at peace with all men (Rom. 12:18). If we will GUARD our mouths and our tongues, we are more likely keep ourselves at peace. Why do we fret and complain and cry when people don't like us and don't trust us and talk badly about us--when we gossip about them regularly? Aren't we inviting trouble upon us because we aren't guarding our mouths?

I also find it interesting that it says 'guards' his mouth and tongue. It isn't something you do automatically. No, your mouth and your tongue have to be guarded. You have to constantly be on top of things, keeping your mouth from releasing information it shouldn't. But wait! What if my mouth has to be guarded from nasty, ugly things that might slip out? What if I am having to guard my lips from uttering a curse word when I accidentally bump my toe? What if someone cuts me off in traffic and I have to keep myself from yelling out in rage? Is that what this is talking about?? I don't think so.

I think that's what Luke 6:45 is talking about:

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."

It is hard to guard a mouth that has an ugly heart behind it. One of the scary things about studying gossip is that it doesn't just reveal a problem with our speech, it reveals a problem with our hearts. Why am I struggling with sharing ugly things about others? Why do I struggle with wanting to spread hurtful things? Could it not be that the heart behind the words is thriving off of the ugly, hurtful things? If our hearts were pure, our mouths would be pure. If our mouths aren't pure, our hearts aren't. 

We must purify our hearts so that we can purify our speech. If we don't rid our hearts of ugly, evil things, our speech will still be ugly and evil--filled with gossip, backbiting, and all sorts of other hurtful things. Another reason we must purify our hearts is because it is only the pure in heart who will see God (Matt. 5:8). We cannot expect a home in heaven if we were bashing God's children the entire time we were on the earth. Heaven is a place of comfort, of peace, of happiness; it is not a place of sorrow or crying (Rev. 21:4). Why, then, would people who have spent their lives causing others pain and sorrow expect to be there one day? We must all strive to control our tongues. James told us it would be extremely difficult to tame the tongue, but it is imperative for the child of God to spend themselves trying to achieve it.

Let's close with a look at the Virtuous Woman. In Proverbs 31:10-31 we see the picture of a woman that all daughters of God strive to be like. This is what is said of this beautiful, spiritual woman in verse 26:

 "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness."

May we all strive to be that kind of person; only having on our tongues the law of kindness.

Tough Stuff Tuesday: Gossip

I recently heard a conversation similar to this before a Bible class was about to start:

Teacher: "Alright, well I think it's about time to get started if so-and-so will finish up."
Person: "Yeah, we gotta quit gossiping and get ready for Bible class."

I was truly appalled by this sentiment. Would we sit in Bible class and then, as it was time for us to dig into God's word, say, "Well I gotta quit looking at pornography so we can get started" or "Guess I should quit cussing so we can start talking about the Bible."

I know you see those two examples as absolutely ridiculous. The thing I don't understand is, why are we so casual when it comes to gossiping? Why do we treat it like it's ok, when Scripture is clear:

"And besides, they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not." 1 Tim. 5:13

Gossips and busybodies....saying things which they ought not. Ought not---are not supposed to. Could the Holy Spirit have been more plain? We are NOT to use our tongues like that. Why, then, do we constantly excuse ourselves when gossip is discussed?

The Bible has so much to say about gossip and the way we use our tongues (ie: this post will probably be long). First, I'd like to examine some New Testament passages, then we'll dive into some Old Testament proverbs. Now, let's get started!

"Likewise deacons must be reverent, not double-tongued, not given to much wine, not greedy for money..." 1 Tim. 3:8

This first reference may seem a little strange to you, but let me explain. While most people commonly overlook the passages that talk about qualifications for deacons and elders unless it is time to select those men to serve, I have tried to live by the rule of 'if an elder/deacon isn't supposed to do it, I probably shouldn't do it.' My aim is and will forever be to be pleasing to my God and a faithful follower and imitator of Jesus Christ. Clearly God wants/expects certain things from the men who will be leaders in Christ's church. If God has told us pretty plainly what type of person that is, why wouldn't I strive to be that type of person? It is obviously acceptable to God if you are that kind of person, so I should strive to live my life that way. Therefore, I will do my best to be reverent, not given to much wine, not greedy for money...and I won't be double-tongued.

When we gossip (and even the worldly dictionaries we use define that as 'idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others'), are we not being double-tongued? Are we not saying things about someone to other people that we probably wouldn't say to that individual's face? Let us strive to be the type of people God intends for us to be, and only use our tongues in an acceptable way. James touches on that in the epistle that bears his name:

"And the tongue is a fire, a world if iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell." James 3:6

There is a way we can misuse our tongues, and when we do--they are being 'set on fire by hell'. What does that mean? It seems to mean that Satan uses Christians' tongues to further his message/cause, instead of promoting peace and love as Christ would.

When we gossip and backbite, we are not just messing up with our tongues. James says that we defile our entire body! Think about the sins of sexual immorality. Paul wrote to the Corinthians and said that they should not misuse their bodies in such a way because their bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:18-20). If our tongues can cause us to defile our entire body, should we not get the same reprimand that Paul gave to the Corinthians? Stop doing that, because you aren't defiling your body, you're defiling the temple of God! Stop using your tongue to defile God's temple!

The next verse I'd like to look at comes from 2 Thessalonians 3:11.

"For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies."

The word busybodies in the original text (periergazomai) means someone who "bustles about, meddles". Someone who gets unnecessarily involved in others' business is called disorderly, and what they are doing is busying themselves with work which really isn't work at all.

I can think of a lot of different individuals I have known over the years that have busied themselves in the false work of being a busybody. They always know exactly what's going on with someone else, and never cease to share what piece of information they have most recently gathered--with as many people as they can. The Bible plainly says that is disorderly, and like we noted in 1 Timothy 5:13, that's not the way Christians are supposed to act. Instead of 'working' long hours trying to figure out what is going on with every person around you, why not use the information you gather to try to help someone, instead of spreading the gossip all around town? If you find out (and there's a difference in finding out and seeking out!) that so-and-so has run into a certain problem or situation, do what you can to help them! Spend your energy and resourcefulness trying to come up with ways to serve!

The way we use our tongues is such an important aspect of Christianity, and possibly one that we overlook far too often, or at the very least, don't spend nearly the amount of time and attention on that we should. Look at what James had to say in James 1:26

"If anyone among you thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless."

It makes me think about Paul's description of love in 1 Corinthians 13. He says that he can do all of these great and wonderful things, but if love isn't there, it doesn't amount to a hill of beans (clearly that's an Emily paraphrase). The same can be said of the way we use our tongues. Unless we are using our tongues for their intended purpose (to stir up, encourage, exhort), then our religion is useless. All of the "great things" we're doing aren't going to matter because we aren't bridling our tongues!

Let's move into Proverbs now, because the first one I'd like to look at ties in with the concept James introduced.

"An evildoer gives head to false lips; a liar listens eagerly to a spiteful tongue." Prov. 17:4

When we listen to gossip (aka promote and condone), we are an evildoer and a liar. Wait, why a liar? Think back to what James said: if we don't bridle our tongues, we deceive ourselves. Basically, if we thrive on gossip and tearing others down and meddling in people's lives, we're lying to ourselves if we think our religion is real. We aren't really spiritual if our tongues aren't in check.

As we can see from just these few passages, the ways we use our tongue plays a key role in our spiritual walk. Since there are so many scriptures about this topic, and I've already been writing (and you've been reading) for such a long time, I'd like to invite you back tomorrow for Gossip: Part two.